Jerry, you need to find god
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
