Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
