I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
God, I missed his penis.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
