Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
