i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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