i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My day in three words: secret purse cake
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
