I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
