where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
