Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
