I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
