It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
