ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
