I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
