the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
