There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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