Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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