I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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