nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize