Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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