We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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