we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
