More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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