Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
