Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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