I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
please don't ironically join a cult
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