You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
