just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
