Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
