we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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