so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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