May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
birth control should be required to get into college
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
