I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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