Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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