my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
