Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
