I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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