Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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