It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
