Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
