I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
