nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish i was in the wii world.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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