I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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