he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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