super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Someone signed my nipple.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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