You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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