Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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