I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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