Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
