on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
COCAINE IS GR8
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
