Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
