I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
