All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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