Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
