she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
a search helicopter?!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
