U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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