Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
