Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
