last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sorry about my life...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
