So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
