man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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