I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
