I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
operation harelip BJ is a go
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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